I was e-mailed this by a relative the other day who has a sick since of humour like my own and I thought, "What the hell,
I haven't received any complaints about the site recently so I might as well
stir the possum a little!"

This fiendish device, from those inscrutable Japanese is a Wangking machine!

Why would you bother, I say to myself!?
There must be cheaper and simpler ways to abuse ones manhood... 
Perhaps its for the chronically lazy, or the remedial or disastrously clumsy, who knows, but I bet the designers, artisans and craftsmen of the,
"Many-happy-big-boy-joy-joy-time-number-ones-ok" division of the Masermushe heavy machine and casting, co prosperity conglomerate in Osaka probably do!

Why is the guy in the picture wearing his undees?

I mean look at this thing, its bloody terrifying, it looks as if it ripped the stem of  a bottle or something! And how did they test the bloody thing,
did they draw straws!?
There's no way I'd entrust my John Tomas to the clammy grasp of some oriental contrivance that can splinter glass with its bare hand and needs 240 volts to work I can tell you!!!
You could imagine the Forman walking up to the new guy and saying,
"Akira, there's some thing you must do for the glory of the department and the further prosperity of the company, go now, be brave and may your ancestors be with you!"
Poor bugger...
And what about those safety issues?!
What if there is a short circuit or worse a power surge that causes a runaway!!
What if you mistakenly used Valve lapping compound as a lubricant?
Yarrrrrrr.... BLOODY HELL!!!
Stop and think, some mad bastard sat down and invented this thing, there are draftsman's plans some where and patent documents as well...

Just imagine will you...

Its 3.45 in the Tokyo Patent offies,
Applicant: "Good afternoon honourable patent clerk."

Clerk: "Good afternoon honourable applicant, how may I help you?"

Applicant: "I wish to takeout a patent on this please sir."

Clerk: "And what is this?"

Applicant: "Oh it's a most wondrous honourable Wanking machine sir."

Clerk: "Yes...a what!?"

Applicant: "A honourable wanking machine sir!"

Clerk: "Oh, and what is it used for?"

Applicant: "Well... honourably wanking ones self sir!"

Clerk: "And, prey tell, what part of one does it wank?"

Applicant: "Well sir... ones manhood sir, its lots of fun sir!"

Clerk: "Not when high voltages are involved my lad!!"

Applicant: "Do I still get a patent then honourable clerk sir?"

Clerk: "You'll have to wait for a while, your the 4th wanking machine in today!"

We shouldn't laugh, someone had the guts to invent this thing, after all, there's  mansions and family fortunes founded on the rubber chicken, plastic vomit, rubber dog poo and the whoopee cushion!


PS. If you found this offensive, why did you read it to the end?!


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